YOU NEED A DIVORCE COACH

You need a divorce coach. Don’t go it alone. Just like you wouldn’t cross the Sahara or trek the outback without a guide, don’t divorce without a coach. When things get tough, emotions run high, and fear overcomes you, you need a cool head, steady pair of hands, and a fresh heart by your side to help steer towards your best future. You need to navigate wisely and clearly through the peril of regret, betrayal, resentment, and abandonment.

Divorce is a financial transaction just like dissolving a business, partnership or corporation. It is mostly a matter of money, though it doesn’t feel like it. Because the partnership was once romantic and based on the most intimate bonds humans can form, its disruption wreaks havoc on our emotions.

What might otherwise seem like a logical division of income, assets and property, becomes a battle of wills, hearts and egos. There is no worse place to take such an unruly battle than a courtroom, where logic and reason must prevail over passion and emotion. This is why divorce court is so unsatisfying- people want an all out battle to avenge their broken hearts or their bruised egos, but the court only wants to divide what it can- the marital estate which means money, property and things. And in a no-fault state, which means that anyone who wants “out” can simply file for divorce without having to prove any reason, such as adultery, fault is largely irrelevant. What seems so important to you isn’t usually relevant or helpful to the Court.

Tell that to a cuckolded spouse who still has to fork over half his pay for life. “It’s not fair…” is the familiar cry, or “I would rather give it to my lawyer than to my spouse”. But when the legal bills come due, and you end up paying your lawyer for essentially an emotionally unsatisfying fight, you might wish you had taken that trip to Europe instead, or bought that antique sports car, or had the plastic surgery, or paid for your children’s college, or whatever else is on your list of fancies. Giving it to your lawyer to spite your spouse never seems to feel very good in the end, except to your lawyer.

This is why I am in favor of “Green Divorce” (mediation). I call it “Green Divorce” because it is good for the environment, your environment, as it will save your non-renewable resources such as TIME, MONEY, and EMOTIONS.

Or, if you are going to litigate, make sure you really have something to fight about. Perhaps you genuinely disagree as to the value of the family business. You think it is worth $100,000 and he/she thinks it is worth $1,000,000. That does make a difference in the division of a marital estate, and that is something the courts can be helpful with. Or the future value of a pension, or the speculative nature of the value of future assets, such as the earnings of a stock broker or professional athlete.

Courts are not the place to seek redress for broken hearts, angry feelings, bruised egos, or a desire to punish your departing spouse.

When it comes to divorce, let cooler heads prevail, let reason, not emotion sway your decision. Work out your feelings outside of court, and know that it’s almost always just about money. The courts will be of little help when it comes to making you right and your ex wrong.

You will pay to get divorced- but how much and to whom is more in your hands than you may realize if you keep an open heart, a cool head, and allow logic and reason, not poison emotion, to prevail.

Your coach helps you stay balanced and focused, guides you through the divorce process, helps you communicate with your lawyer, and makes the process as efficient, inexpensive and focused as possible.

Divorce is a hopeful transition- call your coach.

I RECOGNIZE YOU. I KNOW YOU.

You feel frazzled, anxious and scared. You feel trapped in your marriage. You feel unseen, unheard, devalued and disrespected. You feel criticized, put down and controlled. You fear there is No Way Out. And you blame yourself.

As a Woman, perhaps you gave up your career for the sake of Marriage, Home and Family. He said he would work and his career would carry you all. You thought it over, and you agreed. It all sounded good. You had a deal. But now, he thinks all the money is his, because he earns it.

You know that isn’t true, but what power do you have? What voice? You live under foreign rule without embassy. What you believe doesn’t seem to matter.

He rules. You cower. Or sulk. Or argue. Whatever. Makes no difference. Different tactic, same result.

Where did all your power go? What happened to your spark? Your flame? Your hope? What happened to the spirited girl you used to be?

As a Man, perhaps you agreed to work outside the home and support the family. In return, she would make a home for you and raise your family. But you are not happy. You work like a dog, you feel like a human ATM machine, and it is never enough. You cannot get up any earlier, work any harder, see your family any less, or ignore your own needs one more day. You fee unappreciated, exhausted, and taken for granted. What happened to intimacy? What happened to fun? What happened to the spirited boy you used to be?

What if I told you “the way out” is inside of you? What if I told you that you have all the answers you need inside you? You do.

Here is what I want you to do. (Try it. Even if you think it won’t work. Even if your inner skeptic is going nuts.)

Get quiet. Get very still. Go to the still quiet place inside of you. Close your eyes if you feel safe. And breathe. Stay in this still quiet place for 2 minutes. Set a timer if it helps you relax. It may take a minute at first, because you might only hear the rage, the pain, the fear. But hang on, it will pass, and you will find that shiny, original spark inside you that is your True You. The You that lives behind and under the fear and pain and worry. The You that is only Love. Divine Eternal Love.

There is a part of you that knows you are dreaming when you are asleep. There is a part of you that knows you are sleeping when you are asleep. Who is that? That is the Divine Eternal You. The Real You. Change your focus from the scared Woman or the angry Man to the Divine Spark of Eternal Love. Feel your spirit rise.